Losing a child is the most painful trauma any parent will ever experience. There is nothing that can compare. Parents are torn between trying to live here on earth and love those who are near, while half of their heart will always be with their child who is gone.
Bible Verses About Grieving The Loss Of A Child'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:14. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish
Parents commonly experience the following grief reactions: Intense shock, confusion, disbelief, and denial—even if the child's death was expected. Overwhelming sadness and despair, such that facing daily tasks or even getting out of bed can seem impossible.
Here are a few ways to help grieving parents:
- Call them.
- Send a sympathy card.
- Hug them.
- Call the child by name (even if was a baby that they named after the death).
- Encourage the parents to share their feelings, as well as stories and memories.
- Share your own memories of the child and/or pregnancy.
Examples of Mourning Texts
- Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and grieving with you.
- I'm here if you ever need to talk.
- My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family.
- Can I bring you anything?
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- Just wanted to share my favorite photo of [name] with you.
If you can't think of something to say, just offer eye contact, a squeeze of the hand, or a reassuring hug. Offer your support. Ask what you can do for the grieving person. Offer to help with a specific task, such as helping with funeral arrangements, or just be there to hang out with or as a shoulder to cry on.
Helping Yourself Heal When Your Child Dies
- Allow yourself to mourn. Your child has died.
- Realize your grief is unique. Your grief is unique.
- Allow yourself to feel numb.
- This death is “out of order”
- Expect to feel a multitude of emotions.
- Be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
- Talk about your grief.
- Watch out for clichés.
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
- At least she lived a long life, many people die young.
- He is in a better place.
- She brought this on herself.
- There is a reason for everything.
- Aren't you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now.
- You can have another child still.
It's normal for your kindergartner to be curious about death, even if he hasn't yet lost a loved one. Answer his questions about death, and don't be afraid to read stories about children whose pets or grandparents die. Give brief, simple answers. Five-year-olds can't handle too much information at once.
There is no set way to tell a child or young person that someone is dying. Every family and every situation is different. It's usually better to tell the child or young person soon after the person is diagnosed, or when the illness becomes more serious.
Children begin to grasp death's finality around age 4. In one typical study, researchers found that 10 percent of 3-year-olds understand irreversibility, compared with 58 percent of 4-year-olds. The other two aspects of death are learned a bit later, usually between age 5 and 7.
Some strategies to help your young child cope with grief could include gathering pictures and telling stories of some of the special times they shared with their grandparent. If your child doesn't remember a specific story or have the words to express what they remember, gently guide them through what happened.
If your kids are endlessly curious about death in a nonanxious way, you can take them on a tour of a cemetery, Beville Hunter suggested. It's something she did with her own children. If a kid is really ruminating and you're concerned because his anxiety is affecting his quality of life, talk to your pediatrician.
Fear of death is common among children. In fact, most kids will experience fearful thoughts about death at some point in their lives. They may have a fear of dying themselves, or they may worry that their parents will die. They may even have fears about the family pet dying.
Being there at the end. Remember: hearing is thought to be the last sense to go in the dying process, so never assume the person is unable to hear you. Talk as if they can hear you, even if they appear to be unconscious or restless.
Reality: Pain is not an expected part of the dying process. In fact, some people experience no pain whatsoever. If someone's particular condition does produce any pain, however, it can be managed by prescribed medications. Myth: Not drinking leads to painful dehydration.
When talking about death, use simple, clear words.To break the news that someone has died, approach your child in a caring way. Use words that are simple and direct. For example, "I have some sad news to tell you. Grandma died today." Pause to give your child a moment to take in your words.
How can I tell them and what should I say?
- Ask someone else to be there:
- Use language they can understand:
- Go at their pace:
- Try not to look uncomfortable:
- Don't worry if you become upset:
- Tell them they can't change what's happening:
- Check what they know and understand:
- Encourage your child to ask questions:
Talking with a child about a parent's terminal illness
- Be specific. Tell your child what kind of cancer you have.
- Let your child know you cannot catch cancer from someone else.
- Explain that it is not your child's fault.
- If your child is too young to understand death, talk in terms of the body not working anymore.
- Tell your child what will happen next.
Someone who has leukemia may die from different things. There may be a sudden loss of blood or a stroke, because of the inability of the blood to clot. There may be complications from low hemoglobin levels. Infection is possible.
A parent whose child has died is a vilomah.
Examples
- “We are so sorry for your loss.”
- “I'm going to miss her, too.”
- “I hope you feel surrounded by much love.”
- “Sharing in your sadness as you remember Dan.”
- “Sending healing prayers and comforting hugs.
- “With deepest sympathy as you remember Robert.”
- “I was saddened to hear that your grandfather passed away.
Keep the focus on the child who is grieving and give them plenty of space and time to talk. Consider saying something like: “I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you,” or “I wonder what this is like for you,” and then offer your time and attention as a good listener.
How to write a condolence letter
- Keep it short and simple.
- Express your condolences.
- Share a memory.
- Offer your help and support.
- Close the letter with some thoughtful words.
- To the family of someone at work who has died.
- To the family of someone you did not know very well.
- To the family who have lost a child.
Sympathy card for flowers
- Thinking of you at this difficult time.
- We are so sorry for your loss.
- With deepest sympathy.
- Our thoughts go out to you.
- Wishing you some small comfort in this time of sorrow.
- With loving memories of [name of deceased].
It is best to avoid clichés.It may be better to offer condolences of: “I'm so very sorry that your mother/father/sister has died. I am a good listener and am here if you ever would like to talk,” or “I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you right now.
Say their mother's name.Grieving people often wish that others would say the name of the person who died. It reminds them that others are remembering their mom and missing her too. Try saying, “I've been thinking about Barbara this Mother's Day. I miss her a lot.”
