“Before 7 months, they don't recognize that something is gone. A little baby, they let anyone hold them, but after 7 months they might freak out if someone else does.” That clinginess typically peaks at 8 to 10 months and begins to subside by age 2 or 2 1/2, Franklin says.
Your child may fear that once separated from you, something will happen to maintain the separation. For example, they may worry about being kidnapped or getting lost. Refusal to go to school. A child with separation anxiety disorder may have an unreasonable fear of school, and will do almost anything to stay home.
Approximately 12% of children will suffer from separation anxiety disorder before they reach age 18. Separation anxiety disorder has three peaks: between ages 5-6, 7-9, and 12-14.
While raising babies, parents must remember that there is no such thing as too much affection, too much attention, or too much care. In fact, research proves that parenting is one aspect of adult life when doing things in excess is actually encouraged.
It comes down to these not-so-easy steps:
- Catch them being good. Give attention for appropriate behavior.
- Ignore the misbehavior but not the child. When the child misbehaves, resist the temptation to lecture, nag, scold, yell, or punish.
- Be consistent. It's the only way children know we mean what we say.
- Repeat.
Kids often go through a phase when they're "clingy" and afraid of unfamiliar people and places. When this fear affects a child over age 6 years, is heavy, or lasts longer than 4 weeks, the child may have separation anxiety disorder.
It's not uncommon for children to prefer one parent over the other. Sometimes this is due to a change in the parenting roles: a move, a new job, bedrest, separation. Regardless of the reason, being rejected by your child hurts.
The following signs can suggest a potentially unhealthy level of attachment.
- You rely on their approval. If you struggle with self-validation and self-confidence, you might define your worth by how others see you.
- You've lost your sense of self.
- You don't know how to function without them.
- The relationship is unbalanced.
Symptoms of Attachment DisorderFailure to smile. Intense bursts of anger. Lack of eye contact. Lack of fear of strangers.
Loving Too Much is NormalIf you are a normal parent, it is likely that you “love too much” to one degree or another. In fact, there are few if any parents (except, perhaps, pathologically ill individuals who are not capable of loving at all) who have not engaged in loving their children too much.
Talking through any treatment plan with a qualified professional is advised, however the following tips may offer some help for those parenting a child with attachment issues:
- Be realistic with your expectations.
- Patience is key.
- Take care of yourself.
- Lean on others for support.
- Stay positive.
- Set limits and boundaries.
It is impossible to tell your children that you love them too much and doing so doesn't have to undermine your authority as a parent.
Children who have a secure attachment to their primary caregiver will grow to have higher self-esteem as well as better self-reliance. Additionally, these children tend to be more independent and have lower reported instances of anxiety and depression. These children are also able to form better social relationships.
Scolding makes children anxious and may make them ignore you. It may also worsen the behavior. Never scold your child during time-out.
Attachment issues fall on a spectrum, from mild problems that are easily addressed to the most serious form, known as reactive attachment disorder (RAD). Reactive attachment disorder is a condition in which your child is unable to establish healthy attachment with you, their parent or primary caretaker.
3. Fill their emotional bucket – starting the day with a long cuddle and reading books can fill your child's emotional tank before the day gets busy. This can make them less clingy. And when my children start to get whiney, I do the opposite of what I'm thinking and offer them a cuddle instead.
According to child and family therapist Clair Mellenthin, LCSW, “Anxiety often presents itself as emotional or behavioral symptoms in childhood.” For instance, she said, some typical symptoms include: excessive crying, fear of being left alone, hypervigilance, food restriction and nightmares.
Separation anxiety is normal in very young children. Nearly all children between the ages of 18 months and 3 years old have separation anxiety and are clingy to some degree. But the symptoms of SAD are more severe. A child must have symptoms of SAD for at least 4 weeks for the problem to be diagnosed as SAD.
Some hints for separation anxiety:
- Give your young child lots of opportunities to be with other caregivers for short periods of time. Help them get used to leave-taking.
- Develop a goodbye ritual. A hug, a kiss, a familiar line, a song, and a pat on the back.
- Leave without much fanfare. Staying calm is very important.
Separation anxiety typically lasts two to three weeks and can pop up throughout infancy and toddlerhood, as well as later in childhood. For babies under two years, it's most common during the following ages: 6 to 7 months: Around this time, and sometimes earlier, many infants gain a sense of object permanence.
During this year your child really starts to understand that her body, mind and emotions are her own. She knows the difference between feeling happy, sad, afraid or angry. Your child also shows fear of imaginary things, cares about how others act and shows affection for familiar people.
Changes in your personal circumstances, such as another pregnancy, changes in working hours or more stress at home could be affecting your daughter. Similarly, she may have changed rooms in the crèche, or staff may have changed, or a new child may have come into her room.
Toddler can become angry when they encounter a challenge, are unable to communicate wants, or are deprived of a basic need. Some common triggers for angry outbursts or tantrums may include: being unable to communicate needs or emotions. playing with a toy or doing an activity that is hard to figure out.
